Stay-at-home mom snaps at husband who works 13 hours a day for making their 1-year-old baby's bottle incorrectly: 'I'm incredibly tired, and feel like I'm not getting much support with the baby when he's home'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 20, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

There's no way of knowing how crazy it is to have a baby until you actually have one. Everyone talks about how stressful it is to feed them, hold them constantly, and wake up every 2-3 hours at night to do both of those things. Having the life of a totally helpless person in your hands is stressful enough, but if you're doing it all alone, all day, you can start to get a little batty. It's harder to stay grounded, and in reality, when you barely ever leave your house because you are constantly consumed with the responsibility of changing diapers and soothing tears. The toddler years can be a relief to those parents who aren't necessarily "baby people."

At the same time, it is very stressful to be the sole provider for you, your partner, and your children. Both parents must share in their child's care, but working outside of the home more than half of the day can also take a toll. It doesn't matter that you get bathroom breaks and are permitted to have adult conversations at work: the thought of how much your precious little baby relies on you to do this job and bring home the bacon is always on your mind. 

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  • Cheezburger Image 10544456960
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The parents in this story are both incredibly stressed. The mom is stressed staying home and taking care of the baby all day, and the dad is stressed going to work for 13 hours a day, including his commute.

  • Am I wrong for snapping at my partner in public?

    My partner (45M) and I (44F) have an almost 1yo M baby. Since the baby was born I have been a SAHM. My partner works 10hr days and had a long commute of 1.5hrs each way. So he leaves home about 5am and gets home about 6pm M-F. I look after the baby during this time, while also doing the shopping, cleaning the house, cooking and some life admin.
    via u/Franken-Fearless
  • I look after the baby overnight Sunday-Friday. On Saturdays we usually share the night time wake ups. After work and on the weekends I do most of the baby care, cooking, cleaning etc. My partner will take him for a few hours, but usually hands him back to me when I haven't specifically asked him to take him.
    via u/Franken-Fearless
  • My partner does most of the yard work, we have a large garden so that can take a few hours on the weekends. We used to share the yard, but now one of us needs to have the baby and that's pretty much always me.
    via u/Franken-Fearless
  • Cheezburger Image 10544459520
    via Carl Tronders

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Now we get to the bit where I might be TA. On the weekend, we were having a drink in the local bar and our son was getting restless and needed a bottle. I was holding him and asked my partner to make it. As he was
    via u/Franken-Fearless
  • making it he did it weirdly (put the powder in before water and the wrong amount of water). I got frustrated and asked him what he was doing. I definitely was pissy with him and my tone made that clear.
    via u/Franken-Fearless
  • Cheezburger Image 10544460032
    via Akhil Pawar

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • He got very upset and discussed it with me later that night. He says I disrespected him in public. He also says I do that a lot.
    via u/Franken-Fearless
  • I agree that I do sometimes get annoyed with him about not helping with the baby, and sometimes I snap at him in public. I told him that I'm incredibly tired, and feel like I'm not getting much support with the baby when he's home. It's making me resentful and then I'm snappy. He thinks
    via u/Franken-Fearless
  • that snapping in public makes me TA. I think him not helping with the baby makes him TA. Maybe we both are.
    via u/Franken-Fearless
  • Impressive Moment786 ESH: you are both tired and irritable. This isn't worth the argument.
    via u/Impressive_Moment786
  • Psychomatt Exactly, no one/both of them are wrong. This is where in my opinion where both of them should be saying something like "sorry I've been an ahle, I know we're both trying our best"
    via u/Psych0matt
  • crinta23 The fact that he helps out at home while he does a 13hr day job Sounds like a good man with a few flaws. If he put the water first or second and you use that as a reason to get frustrated and express that anger when there are people around, you will numb him. He waited till you got home to express how he feels, that's a descent human being Your snapping at him in public will make him resent you and that switch will never be flicked again
    via u/crinta23
  • LavishnessGeneral Yeah... reading a lot of these comments, it's pretty obvious that the majority of these people haven't had a job with 10-12 hour shifts every day. They have no idea how soul-sucking it is.
    via u/LavishnessGeneral
  • External-Fee-6411 I did it, and also had a baby with a guy that didnt learn how to make a bottle or change a nappy. I'd go back to factory shifts rather than raise another kid without help.
    via u/External-Fee-6411
  • DirectAntique Am I the only person who never made a bottle outside home? If I was visiting for an afternoon or evening, I would bring pre-made bottles. I've never made a bottle at a restaurant
    via u/DirectAntique
  • kjlo78 I rarely mixed a bottle ahead of time because I didn't want it to go bad. I did usually bring the bottle with the water measured out and just dumped in the powder from the pre-measured dispenser.
    via u/kjlo78
  • meneldal2 Also the baby is 1yo, it really doesn't matter if you are not mixing it according to the instructions, it's not his whole diet (hopefully). We've been mixing tiny amounts of formula to make our baby drink more cause he won't drink regular water enough and guess what it's just fine.
    via u/meneldal2
  • Valiant_Strawberry I wanna know what the excuses are for not moving closer to his job when it sounds like she doesn't work. If she wants more help at home, then maybe free up 2-2.5 of the 3 hours he's currently spending in a car by himself every day and maybe he'll have the energy to be more helpful. She'll probably also be less cranky not having to hear his alarm every day at whatever the h I time he needs to wake up to leave by 5.
    via u/Valiant_Strawberry
  • Ginger_Maple Sometimes it's just not financially possible to move. Their rent could be really affordable, maybe they own and can't move, maybe they don't have money to move while she's staying home, maybe the commute is by transit and more tolerable. They've clearly decided that it's tolerable even if moderately difficult for the moment.
    via u/Ginger_Maple
  • After-Claim3244 YTA. I understand where you're coming from. Your partner is the childs father too and you shouldnt feel like and single mother when you arent. IMO, you should never yell/snap at your partner - regardless of the context you're in. A better way to deal with this would have been confronting him about his lack of involvment with the baby instead of letting the emotion build up to the point where you snap at him for making a bottle wrong. Thats not healthy, and you /can/ do better. ♡
    via u/After-Claim3244
  • Sharkita1 If you want to ensure that your husband fully disengages from parenthood, keep criticizing and snapping at him when he makes an effort to help.
    via u/Sharkita1
  • SlideltIn100 YTA. So he works and commutes about 13 hours a day to support all of you and you get pissy that he doesn't spend more time with the baby? Maybe reverse the roles for a month and see if that's any easier before you act like a victim.
    via u/SlideltIn100
  • 35mmpapi I'm leaning towards NAH because both are in very draining, demanding positions and being irritable is probably the least that can be expected. If this recounting is accurate, I think both parties should have a sit down to talk this out and come to some sort of understanding so the sniping doesn't continue.
    via u/35mmpapi

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